Better off than dead
favorite instrument ever: the autoharp. actually, probably not my favorite instrument ever (what about fretless basses? theremins? goddamn pianos?), but i do love them. they remind me of when i was in third grade, and our music class got divided in half to play a song (*)--half of us played autoharps, half played recorders. it was horrific. but then again, aren't all experiments in grade school music classes horrific? it takes a special kind of person to teach eight year-olds how to love music without throwing yourself down the stairs with a marimba strapped to your leg.
every once in a while, i remember a specific moment (**) when i was in middle school music class. miss pitts (***) asked us to write a story that was a page long and used as many song titles as possible. i barely made forty, and about thirty-five of them were beatles tunes, and the story made about as much sense as the travesty that is yellow submarine (****). anyway, the point is that i keep thinking how easy that game would be for me now, and how i would rock my fellow eleven year-old classmates' collective asses.
my toilet flushes only when it feels like it.
if anyone wants me to start collecting used lintless nylon gloves from my workplace so i can send them to you, please let me know. because i have about a billion of them somewhere around here.
i've changed the logon sound for windows xp on my computer. yes, i know, it's all very exciting. but as opposed to that stupid synth orchestra noise when i enter, i am very proud of hearing "normal view...normal view....NORMAL VIEW....NORMALLLL VIEWWWWW!!!" instead (guesses as to where that comes from can be placed in the comments. niles, dave, you're not eligible).
i'm still in the middle of debating whether to stay up all night so i can stand a chance at waking up at 5:00 am on thursday to make it to cincinnati.
should i be surprised that i have a stomachache right now, when all i've had to eat today is an improperly-cooked taquito from 7-11, a bag of potato chips, a lot of soda, and christmas candy? what happened to my strict tomato soup diet? hmm? (*****)
for some reason, i feel like this was a very good post. it's too bad that no one is at work (my number 1 source of readership, the corporate workplace) to read it.
i took the high road for to long
and i still hate your favorite song.
so let there be no doubt what this one's all about.
oddly, i can't remember the song. i always remember the song, but not in this instance.
as opposed to the general impression of middle school music class, which usually involves being forced to sing such classics as "your song," "the wreck of the edmund fitzgerald," and "you've got a friend" with the rest of my (incredibly tone-deaf, yet so-in-love with elton john, gordon lightfoot, and james taylor) classmates.
now mrs. something-or-other, but you're missing the point.
and yes, i used that song title. i also used "everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey," which wouldn't be weird, except i never mentioned a monkey in the story.
this marks the first time i've ever admonished myself in the form of a rhetorical question. it feels weird.